It's Not About The Horse...

There is so much I have been taught and bought into about how to connect to others that is not genuine and authentic it is a wonder I truly know anyone else or myself.

Literally, there are layers of conditioning I have noticed within myself that hide who I really am.  So lately, I have been practicing asking for what I want without being kind, manipulative, or careful.

Also, I have been practicing giving an honest "No", and still letting people know I hear them.

From Byron Katie's book "I Need Your Love. Is That True?"

"Thank you for asking and no"

"You could be right and no"

"I care about you and no"

I am fearful of saying no to you, so please support me, and hear my no for now.

"I want to please you and no"

I have noticed how much of being polite had turned into emotional manipulation to try to get someone to do what I wanted them to do. I am in a land deal right now where I am the receiver of the attempted manipulation. It adds layers of cost, time, and complexity on getting it done.

One of my favorite writers on this subject has an unorthodox approach to helping people learn to connect honestly and openly. His name is Wyatt Web and his partner' name is Monsoon. Here is an excerpt linked to an article if you are interested.

"Keep in mind that you've been conditioned to be externally focused in all of your relationships. This is one of the true impediments to our being able to learn anything about ourselves. Let me ask you this: How much time do you spend during the day wondering what others are thinking and feeling, and concocting stories about why they're behaving as they do? See, as long as I'm focused on you in such a manner, it will be impossible for me to connect with you because I'm not present with myself.

"So, what I suggest you do is pay attention to what you're thinking and pay attention to what you're feeling. Know that these two things dictate the way you live your life. By focusing your attention internally as opposed to externally, you'll be able to be present enough to connect with any other living thing, which will also cause you to take responsibility for your life and how you live it.