awareness
November 2008 
Vulnerability Practice
Posted on Mar 29th, 2006
by 
Zennie
Zennie
One tenet of my spiritual practice is to remain as vulnerable as I can to everything; not to shield, the antithesis of defense. Some people prefer my strategy, some don't. Use it if it succeeds for you.
Here's the premise (not madness) behind this: if we solidify our bond to our inner self, we'll become centered enough not to need to defend at all. Thus, the best protection turns out to be no protection--a stance that initially alarmed me. It didn't seem possible I could do hands-on energy work with someone who had cancer or depression, for example, without absorbing their symptoms myself. But it was. What could be more liberating than to find I could hold my own and still remain open!
Too often we're taught to equate vulnerability with weakness. Not so. I like being vulnerable and also strong. This disarms people. To me, the appeal of such an approach is that it's a non-fear-based way of living in the world. It requires that, increasingly, you harmonize with whatever you confront, let it flow through you, then recenter again, stabilized by your own resilience. Pace yourself. A vulnerable posture will feel safer the stronger you get. It is a choice and a life-long practice.
Judith Orloff
I am discovering\seeing that I can say that I am open or want to be open, but really am I if I am in the same space and state of mind I always have been? If I am still attached to my ideas and beliefs as to who I am and my roles in life (project mgr., son, spritual person, friend, etc.) am I really open? Is a willingness to be vulnerable a movement beyond those definitions of myself so I can receive new insights and grow?
If so, how do I get there? For me, I am discovering I have to feel my true feelings and be truthful about them no matter what they are without judging myself according to some kind of self imposed or society imposed standard.
If I tell no one else, I have to tell myself the truth. However, I am finding speaking my feelings openly to others just opens up the relationship. Personally, I don't want to live any other way. People can come or go from my life based on their comfort level with that. I think that is the freedom I am finding and part of the strength. Am I doing that today? Nope, but I am slowly opening, pushing my boundaries past my present comfort levels and being o.k. with that. This writing is 1 example.
I am finding that vulnerability means feeling all my feelings, emotions, adequacies, and inadequacies no matter how acceptable to myself or others. These feelings indicate a part of me that wants to be owned. Not only that, but I am finding that my least attractive thoughts, feelings, and emotions even though they are definitely not pretty have served me in positive ways. So a specific negative feeling is not all bad. I have been living under that assumption in response to being a "spiritual" person. I can box myself in emotionally with any label especially the pretty ones that I get stroked for.
Acknowledging that Anger has protected me and allowed me to be heard while undesireable does have its light. Seeing this light allows me to reintegrate anger and bring it into balance. This way it is not a pressurized explosion from stuffing it over time. Instead, I see it, feeeeeeel it, and give it a voice and a heart. I can say what is it you really want Ben? If there is an emotional charge then something is going on. Then, I can begin the inquiry.
Am I good at feeling my feelings? Not always. That is the growth for me. I have been helped by some Tantra activities\exercises. To avoid being unclear here, feeling doesn't mean that I am a man trying to be more like a woman. It is beyond all that. It is me as a human in this case male embracing my male energy and allowing those feelings to heal me and open me beyond any of the definitions that I aiming for a desired goal of feeling. David Deida has some good things to say about this.
Here's the premise (not madness) behind this: if we solidify our bond to our inner self, we'll become centered enough not to need to defend at all. Thus, the best protection turns out to be no protection--a stance that initially alarmed me. It didn't seem possible I could do hands-on energy work with someone who had cancer or depression, for example, without absorbing their symptoms myself. But it was. What could be more liberating than to find I could hold my own and still remain open!
Too often we're taught to equate vulnerability with weakness. Not so. I like being vulnerable and also strong. This disarms people. To me, the appeal of such an approach is that it's a non-fear-based way of living in the world. It requires that, increasingly, you harmonize with whatever you confront, let it flow through you, then recenter again, stabilized by your own resilience. Pace yourself. A vulnerable posture will feel safer the stronger you get. It is a choice and a life-long practice.
Judith Orloff
I am discovering\seeing that I can say that I am open or want to be open, but really am I if I am in the same space and state of mind I always have been? If I am still attached to my ideas and beliefs as to who I am and my roles in life (project mgr., son, spritual person, friend, etc.) am I really open? Is a willingness to be vulnerable a movement beyond those definitions of myself so I can receive new insights and grow?
If so, how do I get there? For me, I am discovering I have to feel my true feelings and be truthful about them no matter what they are without judging myself according to some kind of self imposed or society imposed standard.
If I tell no one else, I have to tell myself the truth. However, I am finding speaking my feelings openly to others just opens up the relationship. Personally, I don't want to live any other way. People can come or go from my life based on their comfort level with that. I think that is the freedom I am finding and part of the strength. Am I doing that today? Nope, but I am slowly opening, pushing my boundaries past my present comfort levels and being o.k. with that. This writing is 1 example.
I am finding that vulnerability means feeling all my feelings, emotions, adequacies, and inadequacies no matter how acceptable to myself or others. These feelings indicate a part of me that wants to be owned. Not only that, but I am finding that my least attractive thoughts, feelings, and emotions even though they are definitely not pretty have served me in positive ways. So a specific negative feeling is not all bad. I have been living under that assumption in response to being a "spiritual" person. I can box myself in emotionally with any label especially the pretty ones that I get stroked for.
Acknowledging that Anger has protected me and allowed me to be heard while undesireable does have its light. Seeing this light allows me to reintegrate anger and bring it into balance. This way it is not a pressurized explosion from stuffing it over time. Instead, I see it, feeeeeeel it, and give it a voice and a heart. I can say what is it you really want Ben? If there is an emotional charge then something is going on. Then, I can begin the inquiry.
Am I good at feeling my feelings? Not always. That is the growth for me. I have been helped by some Tantra activities\exercises. To avoid being unclear here, feeling doesn't mean that I am a man trying to be more like a woman. It is beyond all that. It is me as a human in this case male embracing my male energy and allowing those feelings to heal me and open me beyond any of the definitions that I aiming for a desired goal of feeling. David Deida has some good things to say about this.
"Truly it is in darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then the light is nearest of all to us."
Meister Eckhart
Amen to what is discovered in darkness. Now, maybe I can learn to move past those voices that say I am a bad person for feeling this or that. I can be vulnerable, open, and free. That possibility now exists.
zb
Access: Public
Great post! I think this is a very helpful perspective. Will try to incorporate this into my path. Thanks for sharing!!