Thank you Zaadz Friends!

I have to say without any question that joining Zaadz and connecting with my new friends here is profoundly changing my life for the better. It is very obvious in my daily affairs and interactions. It is exciting for me.

As a result of what I am learning here, I am opening to new ways of being. I am pushing my comfort zone by doing some things like volunteer work (in areas that interest me) (last night at an independent film festival) and giving in ways (mostly emotional) that challenge my avoidance tendencies.

So far, what I have found is that I really enjoy being emotionally vulnerable, open, loving, supportive, and talkative about ways consistent with my interests and inner self. I also enjoy giving of myself and my time, and I know that is a big change for me and my tendencies to protect myself emotionally by hanging back.

Also, I am taking the view that no matter what circumstances look like on the surface regarding what is possible, I can choose to see a different possibility and move towards it despite all apparent odds to the contrary. "Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" Gimli in the Lord of the Rings movie "Return of the King".

So far, what is happening is little every day miracles and connections that I would have never known existed before.

When it comes to past goals, I would pursue that goal, and if things happened to the contrary, I would get upset and try to fight my way through all obstacles to get the results I desired exactly the way I envisioned them. That is fine and has brought about some wonderful accomplishments. It has also cut me off from possibilities that are even larger than I orginally envisioned. Along with this, a war ensued within myself  that was unsatisfying, draining energetically, and resulted in a less than fulfilling life. I had lost the childlike ability to discover in those battles.

Now, I am making an intention to discover a result to my goal that is line with my highest and best. What is happening is that I am discovering parts of myself that I lost years ago, and versions of reaching my goals (recapturing the wonder, awe, and joy of a child) manifesting in ways I never dreamed.

Life is turning out to be more of a mystery, adventure, and play. I am playing my way through normally overly serious areas in my life like work. My performance is up, and I am having more fun at the same time. I am making a lot of new fun and loving friends. I am allowing my most loving, compassionate, and fun feelings to flow out of me unimpeded. You know what else? They are flowing back to me and all the fears of criticism and rejection from doing that were false. The world is not responding to me the way my parents and teachers responded to me years ago in less enlightened times and places.

This is a recent opening in me so I don't pretend to know how it will turn out or that my past isn't affecting me. All I know right now is that what I am experiencing contributes to true joy, and a feeling of who I really am beyond what I thought. I am more giving and caring. I realized that I missed sharing and receiving those most wonderful aspects of life.

This recent growth has come from ideas, poetry, exchanges, blogging, pod writings, and geniunely compassionate loving interactions with my new zaadz friends. Some of you helped and never even knew it by extending yourself through a writing, a poem, a link, or a comment on a blog. I request you keep pouring your best out there and extending your most fun, loving, and positive self. It is helping and changing the world in ways you may not know.
 

This life\my life is interesting and wondrous again!

Thank you for your contribution to that and continuing what I unknowingly started last year. You appeared at the perfect time, just when I needed you, in a way and form I would have never guessed!

That is my prayer and gratitude for today!
zb